How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There is nothing wrong with wanting to rip your spouse’s clothing away on a whim (it can definitely make for a sexy relationship), however, whether or not there is a deeper romance will determine the loyalty level. Knowing the difference between lust and love will help you understand just how romantically involved you imagine being with your partner for the long term. And, what is more, it is going to give you a great idea of how they effect you and just how to feel seeing his or her weaknesses.

As a certified wellness coach , I work with individuals on feeling fulfilled in their relationships, regardless of what that actually stands for. In some cases, people are just after lust, or rather a romantic (often mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can not keep your hands off each other when together. But usually there’s less of a link beyond the physical (you are kind of dating the human body, instead of the individual inside it). Contrarily, a relationship is going to have a more meaning, as there’s an affection and understanding there. No matter what you’re currently looking for, both could be satisfying the result will differ.

You’ve got Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, above email with Bustle, in case you are finding a deeper level of communication, there is likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a great sign that there is love. You are able to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your own relationship, learn about one another’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin describes.


“If you end up romantically and sexually excited by these, but don’t have any interest in the emotional and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and relationship expert to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you are suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your partner, or you don’t like her or his personality in bed, but you still want to remain together for a ton of other reasons, it is likely because you love them, says Bennett. ” Love is a connection that is deeper than merely sexual appeal, and is mental as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be trying hard to connect intimately with your spouse,” says Bennett.


“Lust is usually compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically entails idealization and dream about the person,” says Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and licensed psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. my sources takes more time to develop and feels more like a mental and mental bond than a physical or chemical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the dependence center of the brain, which is fed from the hormones that surge through you every time you visit or think about the object of your desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you’re always looking for a ‘fix’ of your partner then you are probably still in the lust stage. If you can go a while with no contact and are not always thinking about them then you’ve moved to the love or attachment stage,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded Around Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Love is layered. When you like someone, you take the entire package. You wish to get to understand them. You care about them and care for their health,” says Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you’ll be interested in peeling back these layers.

You’re Doing “Couple” Matters

“By the time enjoy occurs, couples are usually moving in with them, purchasing a house, moving up the career ladder, and believing of children. So they have much more stress happening in their life, which helps to eliminate (or even slow down) lust,” describes Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Want

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is more about enduring the relationship and giving onto a spouse, explains Author & dating coach, Brian Taylor, to Bustle. Consider it’ll help determine whether you are feeling lust or love and where your brain is.

You Do Not Feel Safe To Open Up

“If you truly feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it is likely love. Should blog feel you either can’t or don’t want to discuss your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, it’s likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, states over email with Bustle.

If you discover any of these gaps popping up on your relationship, then you’ll definitely get a few signs to comprehend the difference. That is great if it’s aligned with what you need. If not, it is time to re-evaluate.

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